Yoga Bear

I lost my virginity to a guy who claimed to be a virgin but in reality was f***ing everything within a five-kilometre radius. When I finally learnt about his endeavours and then questioned him on them, he was shocked.
“Well…wasn’t it obvious?” He asked.
“Umm…No.”
 
At Age X, I had nothing to compare his performance to but even [...]

Boy Friends

The Johnny and Tex have become friends.
“What is your friendship based on?” I asked TJ, perplexed, after he told me the news.
“You, essentially.”
What a brilliant foundation for a friendship. It is kind of like building a tower on a foundation of quicksand. Or a church on the family values of King Henry The Eighth.
I have [...]

Gentleman Prefer Brunettes

Research has recently been uncovered which reveals that biologist Charles Darwin attempted to prove that more blonde women stay single and most brunette women get married.
 
Even science wants to prove that blondes have more fun.
 
While brunettes may stop doing their roots (or getting any) in return for eternity with someone, a faux blonde [...]

Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me?

Not twelve hours after I had handed over the ukulele to The Johnny, The Crackwhore [reoccurring role, apparently] contacted me to, one, establish that she is in fact once again his girlfriend and, two, thank me for the present.
I love it when I can bring people together by bestowing miniature musical instruments upon them. [...]

Like, Turtley, Dude

My first ever crush was for Michaelangelo Ninja Turltle. An animated, radioactive animal who lives in a sewer.
Yes, the damage was already done when I was an eight year old.
 
I didn’t have a thing for Leonardo, Raphael or Donatello. They really did nothing for me. But Michaelangelo? Well, he made my pre-adolescent self [...]

The Blind Leading The Blind

On three separate occasions in the past ten days, three of my female friends have accredited advice I gave them for saving their relationships with their boyfriends. My advice. Advice I gave. Me.
 
The girl whose relationship history consists of the Three Blind Mice and one teenager.
 
For the past twelve hours I have been [...]

Why I Hate Albert Hammond Jr.

I hate Albert Hammond Jr. Don’t mistake that.
The following is merely an explanation, a justification – if you will -, of that very true statement.
In fact, Albert Hammond Jr is the latest addition on my To Kill List. A list which includes Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria and the person who thought that the onion [...]